I just wanna write.

Not sure for the reason why but it seems long time since I last ratter on my personel space. Been in the working class for the last few days.

All seems fine.. I mean, the peeps are fun, great and things are done on time. No regret for me at this work place. Less the satisfaction but more of the time and fun. Less stress at least for now. At least now…

In need of breathing space.. do i? do I not? Was it a sudden urge of the space I call my own of just that I was too used to being alone without the help / assist of another person. With a burge of another person into my life, the past life that I had been holding to seems to suffer or lets just say seems to let go and a change so sudden that occur to my life made me fall off abit off balance. Just like an egg being held on to for a long long time.. it either slip off the table top and smash itself of it wobble. Seems like being in a wobbling stage now.. held on too long? Not really? Just the sudden interference of another person into my life, all went well in the beginning but now I just felt the difference of living with someone else. Unlike a caged bird, I felt right at home, ok not my home, but living under someone else’s roof is really werid.. like a long term holiday? Hmmm more like a long term refudge. Different habits I guess.. at least I believe I am more adaptable.. haha!

Wonder how long can this go on? Its not my home to begin with anyway and it may not be my home to end with…. Is this job an excuse to bind myself here? Or the other way round?

Used to be abit of a loner, now, it seems like its loner no more and welcome family life.. haha good? Blissful? Worrying? Werid? Arrrghhh am I such of a trouble finder as to defy the life where most perceive as blessed? What worry me?

Maybe just the fear of losing the personal space that I had built up so carefully so long ..

缺氧

缺氧

In a far far away side of singapore today.

Officially started work today. The horror of working in the east in way beyond my priceless dream and I swear to whichever god there is up there I will never have ever thought that I will arrive in this side of the sunny island to work!

The place was simple, family like simple work place with work that matches the people there. Not an offence though, just that unlike the previous jobs which I had to slog and to rush out my accounts, this is ENTIRELY different. The way the peeps work, the way they relax and it seems so stressless today just like strolling through the pacing clouds. The only major stress is me without any dosage of coffee! Haha caffine addict I am! Coffee and ciggies! Grrrrr what lousy habits I have!

Wonder if it’s the problem with 1^st days… raging headache that came pounding on me. With the pop of the miricle pill that I had to be on it constantly, the the pounding pain on my head remains like the ghost, haunting me and pushing me to the edge! It must be the caffine! Of the lack of it anyway!

With the rush of blood up my head, the reads that I had planned on reading Macbeth made the words hard to swallow.. gosh! What come to me!

Ok .. bed time ..

Ps. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

abandon abandon!

had not been logging in into spc for along long time.. hit the button and was log in.. wow.. lotsa posts.. made new frens too..
click on the adoption page http://www.petschannel.com/adoption/?c=1 and guess wat.. i saw at least 3 STs up for adoption!!!! all so young n cute.. if i got my own apartment.. i m sure to adopt another one as fren fren for dt..
they are all so young so y do ppl wanna jus dump them!!! come on idiots! if u dont plan to keep a dog for the nxt 15 yrs... to move ur dogs with u when u move apartments.. dun get one!! jus dont get a dog jus becos its fucking cute getti!!!! it piss me off bad everytime i see dogs out for adoption..! sad to say.. i cant adopt them.. best part is that these dogs are like small small breeds like st!! omg!! no no ... omfg! cant these ppl think!!! i love dt alot and i can never dream of a day without him! even when going holidays.. i m thinking of time!! make it a point to bring him gai gai once a wk...!!! come on!! arrrghhhh! pets are for life ok!!! to you.. they are jus cutesy animals.. to them.. you are their everything.. u can buzz for ur frens but their onli social circle is u!! getit!!! damn ass!!! who ever let me know they are dumping a dog will get it from me! grrrrr

arrrrghhh

i m damn stressful about this!!!!! the invisible stress tat my mum gives me is killing me!!! aaarrrrggghhh!

Sat..turn...day.. lolz

Day xxx of living with him…. Not that bad I guess.. when you have got someone to cuddle with you when you sleep.. to wake up with you.. to love DT like the way you do.. I so love waking up with him now.. haha.. this is bad… reliance level increases and independent level decreases. how bad can things be?

Ok.. the worst part of it is without a job. Still searching and finding for the right position. Given the blooming opportunities of the job market, don’t think its that hard to get a job right? Started looking out for accounting position since Thursday. Planned a few interviews and there are losta calls from agencies. Hope and pray hard to start working soon. Its just sucked big time when you are stuck at home searching when your man is out working.. grrrr

Anyway, went to enrica’s house for dinner.. yummy yummy!!!! Love the pasta made by her!! Omg.. haven travel to west for such long time that it seems so werid to be back there. Haha.. but the food rocks!!!! Omg omg.. love the pasta.. love the tart.. oh ya.. the tart is like nicer than those at dogholics..best of all.. got my tiramisu!!! Yummy x 100!!!! I had sooooo much servings!!! Lucky jeff is suffering from his usual allegies to me! Haha no one to snatch my food!!! Lolz.. anyway.. fat level aside.. love the tiramisu!!!

Jo managed to shed some kilos off from her lastest strategy!.. 3kg in 2 wks!! Temptation!!! Imagine myseld to shed of like 6 kgs in 1 mth!!! I can reach my target weight!!! Woohoo!!!! Tempted tempted!!!! But he is sure to say no to my temptation anyway… zzzzzzzzzzz wahahaha

Ok.. back to watching my DVD…

PS. I love Sat!

rotting away!!!

haha had been rotting away in the "interviewing" mode for the last couple of days... nothing special just the normal of waking up the usual time and rather than going to work... i went interviews... been for 2 accounting positions so far... guess after soooo much comtemplating.. i rather go back to my usual like of work... some thing that i am farmilar with anyway...

ok.. nw crawling back to job finding... lolz

young minds!

With due respect to the world filled up with kids and underage minds to be nurtured. I heard the most amazing conversation I had ever thought that would exist! While in MRT, I saw this girl, dressed in primary school uniform.. given that the school is so near my home, the young girl yak out her HP and the conversation goes :

Girl : I cant believe that he had broken up with me!!! Sobs…

Girl : He is the 25^th bf that I had! How can he just break off with me lidat!!!

Girl : Yes! I had sex with him!!!

OMG! Ya OMG! For the talks and preparatiton for the young of our society, the foundation of the youth and the nurturing of the minds, this the wat was appearing from a 12 year old gal!!! yes! Exact conversation that had been exchanged!!!

Qtr life crisis

had a couple of calls for various sales and marketing postions.. not that of a bad offer.. i mean.. entertainment.. lunches and dinners.. how bad can things be? qtr life crisis i am in now.. do i continue and further my current career which i had work so hard for or do i jus give up and let go? left with core acca papers to go... to continue or not to continue? i myself.. i dont know what to do. with the recent surge in the job market, opportunities are not that bad.. easier than years back.. esp in my line.. am i cut for accounting? i really dont know.. dad made me study it.... saying how it can further my career.. give me a better life.. do i wan it? is this a time where reality strike? do i do what i wanna try or do i continue the route that i had been walking all along?

someone had been telling me about how much i dont love u... sometime i really wonder, how can someone who do not know me, do not know u, do not noe us, judge me by the way she feel? in what ways do i show that i dont love u? because we chat like pals? because u gave me advices when i need them or because i feel like u are now so part of my life? who is to judge whether i love you or not? who is to judge how much i love you?

ps.. grrrrrr

move or not to move?

At home today… we had the discussion of me moving in with him again. As sweet as he always do, we had a decent discussion about it. Not the usual fight that I would have expected if its other man. Great man to me so far.. nothing much that I would have asked from this man. Move in or not? Ever wonder why I had this doubt? Not knowing how long this love would last (which I hope to last for years to come and for a long long time), I am pretty scared about having to lose it one day. What if one day all this end? Do I have to move everything back? I hope this day will not come.. but there is always this fear in me that got me afraid that one day if this were to happen.. will I still have the face to move everything back home? As much as I am comfortable so far to live with him.. wonder if its right to do so? Guess it’s the distance between us, ok.. singapore is NOT that big anyway.. but having someone to go home to.. to live with.. to cuddle with.. how not good is that? Guess it where all lovely dovely couples wish for. Will it last? Why do I fear that much that it will not? Silly me? Am I such? Am I thinking too much or are all these just doubts and fears that the people around me induce?

Anyway.. since I do not wish to live my life with him in a paper bag…. I told him that until the day we clean up his messy room.. than I will move in.. haha.. not a move to delay.. guess if I wanna move in.. I want to at least have a cupboard of my own! Haha!

PS. I love u .. .. :)

too good to be true?

so far so good.. haven have got a r/s that seems so comfortable.... is it the age? is it because of the love? or is it because he is far more matured that I am? or is it the past experience that made me a wiser person? Till date, there are things that we do not agree with, however, he did not ever so far raise his voice at me and surprisingly, we managed to have proper discussion and to have the chance to being able to talk to each other in a much proper way. no fights, no disagreements.. ok there is.. but no mean words exchange so far.. wonder if the long wait to love had gain me such? they say, once u got hurt too many times.. you just stop believing in love.. have doubts and not to trust love again? once met the right person.. you just doubt if he is the right one.
Given a chance, will you hurt me?
Last time round.. when i was with SS, we did not have any fights initially too.. in the end, man n ego.. man and dog.. man and love..man and other women... all rolled up to rounds and rounds of fights.. will this end up this way too?? I wanted so much to believe in this love.. and i believe in it.. but bring the excess baggage with me is soooo tiring....
Seriously.. i will believe in him.. to believe is love.. jus like new...

PS. i love u

when u get toooo damn close

darn!!!! today had a mad rush at the darkroom.... where we have to submit like 6 prints.. which seems like the easiest thingy in the world to me.. ok.. not just me.. seems like everyone else in having problem with that...
K was ultra nice to me today.. seems like being "too close for comfort".... no no.. damn uncomfortable anyway.. who in the world would tell u that he is single out of the damn sudden moment!!!! got developer on my hands and the nxt thing i know.. he HELP me to tie up my hair with his hands.. jus like the way in taiwan shows where the male lead hold the hair of the lady? ya.. tat way!!! being soooooooooooo gentle that it irks me!!!! its like what the hell is he trying to do!! Men!! they just cant seems to have their hands on themselves!!

ps. miss u

ok.. darn... damn it.... arrghhh

i miss u

holy smoke!

meet up with the bitches today.. ok another set of bitches.. mic, ling and new gal marie... fannie was there as well.. needless to say.. jeff was there!! met up for drink at amara hotel.. the usual shipping place.. omg! i misss mic!!!!! the worst part of meeting mic is the part where i auto pick up a ciggie and SMOKE.. damn right! had not been smoking since end may till date! even when he smoke, i managed not to pick up the ciggie.. damn mic!! i pick up menthol light!!! wahahaha bt the branded one of cos! lolz!! finish a bott at amara and head on to fullerton for dinner n DRINK.. of cos drink.. its jeff!!! saw stephen too! as charming as ever!!! cute HKee! wahaha..
hence totally i pick up half a pack from 6.30pm allllll the way to 10pm!!! crazy ! trust me! once u off hire a ciggie.. dun ever pick it up! from the 1st min of picking it up, it will get u hook back again!!! ciggie meanie ciggie!!! tink i smell toooo much menthol light already... hmmmm half pack n i haven got drunk! lol

just me.. life updates

3 wks to my new job and things seems to be kinda OK for me. Waking up at 7am daily is not that bad already. Used to wake up later and having to get to work at a later time, also, managed to off work late too. These days, I had officially gotten into the habit of sleeping before 1am.. and to wake up at 7am.. not as bad as I thought.. wonder why cant I do it the last time? Lol.. habits are not cultivated for nothing!

The guys in office are still the same, noisy rowdy and buaya!! SH (my boss) had been pretty attentive to me! Carrying files for me if they are deemed to be too heavy, trying to get me lunch when I stay in and nagging me to take my lunch! Lolz.. the other guys chalk up cakes, tibits for me!!! Princess in the office!! Now that I do not have to take up the multi roles.. haha doesn’t being having to stick to a boring job is such a damn good idea! Used to want to being able to role myself into the multiples and now that I got the chance to stick to the boring job of just 1 plain position in the office. Trust me, being able to off work at 6 is the best thing! Who cares about climbing the corporate ladder!! Jaded!!!!!!

Seems like this is a season to fall out of love, people around me seems to be falling out of love so bad that I feel painful and hurt when I see them. Gone are those friends who claimed that the sky belong to them, gone are those sweet nothings that I see them whispering. Couples that I thought would last a long long time are now telling me things like there is no love and love don’t last forever. Wonder why things like this do happen? I, myself had been through out of love, the hurt, the pain and the mistrust of the relationship. At 1 point of time, I do give up too! Sharing the same opnions as my frens are feeling now, suddenly, I wish they believe in love, to have that special someone who love them and to care for them and to believe in each other all over again. I really hope all my friends will find love and to have love for a long long long long time…. I really wonder how long will it take when u stop loving me.. will u stop loving me?

so long.. bad memories...

Packed my room in the morning, after going thru my stuff, I being dragging a lot of the long lost items that I had been keeping for the last few years.. bags and bags of memories that I had kept for years finally had to be throw out. Totally I dump like 8 big black plastic bags of rubbish.. no.. 8 bags of memories… initally, I thought that I will not bear to dump all the things that he had once given me, that’s really alof of things that I had with me.. the sadness that I had thought that I would feel were not missed at all.. none of the sadness came to visit and relieve came over me. The thought of not having to hold on to the bad memories made me feel so much no burden.. no relieve.. so relax..

Hope u can take of me the way u promise…

when life ends..

It had been a crazy week for me… grandma passed away last fri.. got calls from mum at 845am when I reach the office…. Mum said tat grandma wanted us to come back and all of us had to rush back home.. I even asked E whether should I take full or half day.. E scolded me and ask me to cut the crap and take full day off… as at 9.30am there is still no one available from my department yet. So I had no choice but to draft an email and forward to all of them. Reach home damn fast and in the short time, all of us were back home together.. grandma officially passed away at 1pm. It did not hurt as much as we thought it would, cause all of us were off rushing to get all the necessary work done.

The whole funeral was not tat of a sad affair.. and thanks to all of u lovely people who came over…. Guess seems like all of us expect this to happen 1 day and guess all of us are mentally ready for it. Well, the hardest part of the funeral was to stay through the night, lucky for me, kel was there and we talk.. chat…. Had not chat this way with him for a long long time.. but the late nights really drove us nuts.. by last night.. both of us KO..

DT was a really good boy thru this.. guess he know whats going on and he never once whine or cry when we leave him alone in the house..

on the last day of the funeral, the look on dad made me cry.. 1^st time in my life that I see my own father teared… mum cried hard too.. guess the tears that was found on dad drove me crying too.. suddenly, just so suddenly.. I wish all these is just a dream.. .

when home…. DT was soo happy to see all of us back home.. both him and me cuddle and jus snore… shag tat we were… DT worked hard.. taking care of the house and responding to the noises tat outsiders created.. now hardworking DT could finally rest.. .

Thought collecting the ash of grandma is the easier task compared to the funeral but its not so. It hurted me most… imagine a living human is being reduced to nothing but bones and ashes in a small tupperware.. some may think that its funny.. to me , its sad.. my grandma, reduce to nothing but some white calcium in a box!!

If life is to be reduced to something so insignificant, so small.. I learnt a lesson… to live my each day to the fullest as at the end of life, we are nothing but white ashes and calcium.. why do we have to hate and dislike our life and people around us? Why cant we enjoy the love around us? For all the hate that we filled and bottled up, we are jus ash to end it.. J

不能说的秘密

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前 在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面在荡着秋千
梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已走过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡


Song for the moment cos it by Jay!


ok.. u know who giv it to me... lolz...

they say i am obsessed with DT

maybe many of u had read http://ice-queenz.livejournal.com/ , many knows abt cody and many know that cute little cody fainted while at grooming (at my used to trust grommer) and cody passed away.

re-read this blog time and again. cody's little body with the IV tube, cody little body in the trash bag... cody.. hope u are at the rainbow bridge.. with lotsa treats and toys..

well, many frens of mine had claimed that i m tooooo obesessed with dt.. give him too much love, too much time and too much of myself. guilty pleasure i called that. used to b the one tat does not looked forward to going home early, hated the idea of being at home on wkends and thinked that waking up before 9am is a sin, after having dt in my life, lotsa things changed. waking up right in the morning is no longer a chore... love the "i had breakfast" look on his face.. waking up at wee hours to clean his poo / pee is part of me... no longer complained abt it.. lolz. i seriously looked forward to being at home everyday.. every single day.. no matter is it sunday or monday.. cleaning up pee / poo and puke no longer seems disgusting and seriously he made my life complete.. bring my family closer together and more joy in me.... used to be a feisty gal... with dt, guess my temper mellowed down alot ..


DT mummy Love uuuuuuuuuu and only uuuuuuuuuuuuu!

1st time in the dark

after numerous basic classes at nafa, i got to developed my 1st roll of film! got the negatives out but the pics are supposed to be developed only nxt wk. not pleased with my 1st roll of takings... from the way i viewed the negatives.. but b&w seems so much more contrast than the usual colors that i had seen. looking forward for my 2nd roll and the pics to be developed!

due the 1st real attempt to develop out negative, the class ended xtra late cos my roll just refuse to dry up.. developer . fixer.. blah blah blah... makes my hands real disgusting!! classes ended at abt 10.30 so got home late.

heard from mum tat as usual, dt din finish his dinner... its either the hair cut or the no walk or the good food fed by enrica that got him real picky and moody lately. tink he could not get over the good food given to him on sun.. still dreaming abt it and praying hard that i will upgrade his diet.. fat chance dt! till u finish ur kibbles 1st!

reading Jodi Picoult's Mercy currently, seems like a hard book for me to read... mercy killing, affairs and love and stale marriage.... before this book i was finish "O" by Shakespears... seems like "O" is much easier to digest..
being the hard book for me to continue, be sure that i will finish it. guess the long detachment from novels got me a tiny bit harder to continue the read... less Nat Geo, more Novels!