I just wanna write.

Not sure for the reason why but it seems long time since I last ratter on my personel space. Been in the working class for the last few days.

All seems fine.. I mean, the peeps are fun, great and things are done on time. No regret for me at this work place. Less the satisfaction but more of the time and fun. Less stress at least for now. At least now…

In need of breathing space.. do i? do I not? Was it a sudden urge of the space I call my own of just that I was too used to being alone without the help / assist of another person. With a burge of another person into my life, the past life that I had been holding to seems to suffer or lets just say seems to let go and a change so sudden that occur to my life made me fall off abit off balance. Just like an egg being held on to for a long long time.. it either slip off the table top and smash itself of it wobble. Seems like being in a wobbling stage now.. held on too long? Not really? Just the sudden interference of another person into my life, all went well in the beginning but now I just felt the difference of living with someone else. Unlike a caged bird, I felt right at home, ok not my home, but living under someone else’s roof is really werid.. like a long term holiday? Hmmm more like a long term refudge. Different habits I guess.. at least I believe I am more adaptable.. haha!

Wonder how long can this go on? Its not my home to begin with anyway and it may not be my home to end with…. Is this job an excuse to bind myself here? Or the other way round?

Used to be abit of a loner, now, it seems like its loner no more and welcome family life.. haha good? Blissful? Worrying? Werid? Arrrghhh am I such of a trouble finder as to defy the life where most perceive as blessed? What worry me?

Maybe just the fear of losing the personal space that I had built up so carefully so long ..

缺氧

缺氧

In a far far away side of singapore today.

Officially started work today. The horror of working in the east in way beyond my priceless dream and I swear to whichever god there is up there I will never have ever thought that I will arrive in this side of the sunny island to work!

The place was simple, family like simple work place with work that matches the people there. Not an offence though, just that unlike the previous jobs which I had to slog and to rush out my accounts, this is ENTIRELY different. The way the peeps work, the way they relax and it seems so stressless today just like strolling through the pacing clouds. The only major stress is me without any dosage of coffee! Haha caffine addict I am! Coffee and ciggies! Grrrrr what lousy habits I have!

Wonder if it’s the problem with 1^st days… raging headache that came pounding on me. With the pop of the miricle pill that I had to be on it constantly, the the pounding pain on my head remains like the ghost, haunting me and pushing me to the edge! It must be the caffine! Of the lack of it anyway!

With the rush of blood up my head, the reads that I had planned on reading Macbeth made the words hard to swallow.. gosh! What come to me!

Ok .. bed time ..

Ps. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

abandon abandon!

had not been logging in into spc for along long time.. hit the button and was log in.. wow.. lotsa posts.. made new frens too..
click on the adoption page http://www.petschannel.com/adoption/?c=1 and guess wat.. i saw at least 3 STs up for adoption!!!! all so young n cute.. if i got my own apartment.. i m sure to adopt another one as fren fren for dt..
they are all so young so y do ppl wanna jus dump them!!! come on idiots! if u dont plan to keep a dog for the nxt 15 yrs... to move ur dogs with u when u move apartments.. dun get one!! jus dont get a dog jus becos its fucking cute getti!!!! it piss me off bad everytime i see dogs out for adoption..! sad to say.. i cant adopt them.. best part is that these dogs are like small small breeds like st!! omg!! no no ... omfg! cant these ppl think!!! i love dt alot and i can never dream of a day without him! even when going holidays.. i m thinking of time!! make it a point to bring him gai gai once a wk...!!! come on!! arrrghhhh! pets are for life ok!!! to you.. they are jus cutesy animals.. to them.. you are their everything.. u can buzz for ur frens but their onli social circle is u!! getit!!! damn ass!!! who ever let me know they are dumping a dog will get it from me! grrrrr

arrrrghhh

i m damn stressful about this!!!!! the invisible stress tat my mum gives me is killing me!!! aaarrrrggghhh!

Sat..turn...day.. lolz

Day xxx of living with him…. Not that bad I guess.. when you have got someone to cuddle with you when you sleep.. to wake up with you.. to love DT like the way you do.. I so love waking up with him now.. haha.. this is bad… reliance level increases and independent level decreases. how bad can things be?

Ok.. the worst part of it is without a job. Still searching and finding for the right position. Given the blooming opportunities of the job market, don’t think its that hard to get a job right? Started looking out for accounting position since Thursday. Planned a few interviews and there are losta calls from agencies. Hope and pray hard to start working soon. Its just sucked big time when you are stuck at home searching when your man is out working.. grrrr

Anyway, went to enrica’s house for dinner.. yummy yummy!!!! Love the pasta made by her!! Omg.. haven travel to west for such long time that it seems so werid to be back there. Haha.. but the food rocks!!!! Omg omg.. love the pasta.. love the tart.. oh ya.. the tart is like nicer than those at dogholics..best of all.. got my tiramisu!!! Yummy x 100!!!! I had sooooo much servings!!! Lucky jeff is suffering from his usual allegies to me! Haha no one to snatch my food!!! Lolz.. anyway.. fat level aside.. love the tiramisu!!!

Jo managed to shed some kilos off from her lastest strategy!.. 3kg in 2 wks!! Temptation!!! Imagine myseld to shed of like 6 kgs in 1 mth!!! I can reach my target weight!!! Woohoo!!!! Tempted tempted!!!! But he is sure to say no to my temptation anyway… zzzzzzzzzzz wahahaha

Ok.. back to watching my DVD…

PS. I love Sat!

rotting away!!!

haha had been rotting away in the "interviewing" mode for the last couple of days... nothing special just the normal of waking up the usual time and rather than going to work... i went interviews... been for 2 accounting positions so far... guess after soooo much comtemplating.. i rather go back to my usual like of work... some thing that i am farmilar with anyway...

ok.. nw crawling back to job finding... lolz

young minds!

With due respect to the world filled up with kids and underage minds to be nurtured. I heard the most amazing conversation I had ever thought that would exist! While in MRT, I saw this girl, dressed in primary school uniform.. given that the school is so near my home, the young girl yak out her HP and the conversation goes :

Girl : I cant believe that he had broken up with me!!! Sobs…

Girl : He is the 25^th bf that I had! How can he just break off with me lidat!!!

Girl : Yes! I had sex with him!!!

OMG! Ya OMG! For the talks and preparatiton for the young of our society, the foundation of the youth and the nurturing of the minds, this the wat was appearing from a 12 year old gal!!! yes! Exact conversation that had been exchanged!!!

Qtr life crisis

had a couple of calls for various sales and marketing postions.. not that of a bad offer.. i mean.. entertainment.. lunches and dinners.. how bad can things be? qtr life crisis i am in now.. do i continue and further my current career which i had work so hard for or do i jus give up and let go? left with core acca papers to go... to continue or not to continue? i myself.. i dont know what to do. with the recent surge in the job market, opportunities are not that bad.. easier than years back.. esp in my line.. am i cut for accounting? i really dont know.. dad made me study it.... saying how it can further my career.. give me a better life.. do i wan it? is this a time where reality strike? do i do what i wanna try or do i continue the route that i had been walking all along?

someone had been telling me about how much i dont love u... sometime i really wonder, how can someone who do not know me, do not know u, do not noe us, judge me by the way she feel? in what ways do i show that i dont love u? because we chat like pals? because u gave me advices when i need them or because i feel like u are now so part of my life? who is to judge whether i love you or not? who is to judge how much i love you?

ps.. grrrrrr

move or not to move?

At home today… we had the discussion of me moving in with him again. As sweet as he always do, we had a decent discussion about it. Not the usual fight that I would have expected if its other man. Great man to me so far.. nothing much that I would have asked from this man. Move in or not? Ever wonder why I had this doubt? Not knowing how long this love would last (which I hope to last for years to come and for a long long time), I am pretty scared about having to lose it one day. What if one day all this end? Do I have to move everything back? I hope this day will not come.. but there is always this fear in me that got me afraid that one day if this were to happen.. will I still have the face to move everything back home? As much as I am comfortable so far to live with him.. wonder if its right to do so? Guess it’s the distance between us, ok.. singapore is NOT that big anyway.. but having someone to go home to.. to live with.. to cuddle with.. how not good is that? Guess it where all lovely dovely couples wish for. Will it last? Why do I fear that much that it will not? Silly me? Am I such? Am I thinking too much or are all these just doubts and fears that the people around me induce?

Anyway.. since I do not wish to live my life with him in a paper bag…. I told him that until the day we clean up his messy room.. than I will move in.. haha.. not a move to delay.. guess if I wanna move in.. I want to at least have a cupboard of my own! Haha!

PS. I love u .. .. :)

too good to be true?

so far so good.. haven have got a r/s that seems so comfortable.... is it the age? is it because of the love? or is it because he is far more matured that I am? or is it the past experience that made me a wiser person? Till date, there are things that we do not agree with, however, he did not ever so far raise his voice at me and surprisingly, we managed to have proper discussion and to have the chance to being able to talk to each other in a much proper way. no fights, no disagreements.. ok there is.. but no mean words exchange so far.. wonder if the long wait to love had gain me such? they say, once u got hurt too many times.. you just stop believing in love.. have doubts and not to trust love again? once met the right person.. you just doubt if he is the right one.
Given a chance, will you hurt me?
Last time round.. when i was with SS, we did not have any fights initially too.. in the end, man n ego.. man and dog.. man and love..man and other women... all rolled up to rounds and rounds of fights.. will this end up this way too?? I wanted so much to believe in this love.. and i believe in it.. but bring the excess baggage with me is soooo tiring....
Seriously.. i will believe in him.. to believe is love.. jus like new...

PS. i love u